It is with a heavy heart that we report today on the sufferings of our neighbors to the south in Loganville. While it may seem unimaginable to many, Loganvillians are currently without a Chick-fil-A.
Yes, you read that correctly.
There is no Chick-fil-A in Loganville.
"But how?" you ask. "Why? I thought this was America."
We're with you, dear reader. While we have often ridiculed Loganville as a provincial backwater compared the urban sophistication of our fair county, the Internet Explorer to Gwinnett's google Chrome if you need a more modern analogy, we would never wish such a dire hardship upon our rustic Walton County compatriots.
After being graced by a recent visit from none other than the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile, it seemed that Loganville had finally come into its own, but oh, how the mighty have fallen. How did it come to this? According to Chick-fil-A social media, the Loganville location could no longer keep up with Loganvillians' demand for mildly seasoned chicken on soggy buns, thus they decided to build a bigger location where the current restaurant stands. Adding insult to injury, the new Chick-fil-A will not open until sometime in 2025.
If you're in Gwinnett, you're never more than a stone's throw from a Chick-fil-A sandwich (unless it happens to be Sunday), so next time you taste that delightfully bland poultry, just remember there are those nearby who cannot taste it at all. #Loganvillestrong #solidarity #hashtag
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Keep it classy, Gwinnett. This is not a political forum, nor is it place for intolerance or crude behavior of any sort. We are all in this together, so just enjoy the ride.